Today I was a good mother but in a way that made me feel like the worst mother in the world. Miss Four (five next week) has toileting issues (daytime pants wetting), that we’ve been trying to deal with in various ways for over two years. We’ve tried rewards, punishments, incentives, ignoring, getting extra cross, just about anything anyone suggested, we tried. I finally took her to the doctor a few weeks ago, to ensure that there’s nothing wrong physically (there’s not). We can go for weeks without a problem, then multiple issues daily. It’s frustrating and maddening and I’m at the end of my rope with it. Last week, I "cancelled" her birthday party. Since then we’ve had five days of no problems. We had a birthday party to go to today, which she was REALLY looking forward to (her best friend). We’ve talked a lot about how she has to keep doing the right thing or there’d be consequences. I constantly ask her if she needs to go to the toilet, and ask her to really THINK about her answer before saying no. She got all dressed up in her beautiful fairy princess outfit. We did her hair. We were pretty much ready to go. And then I noticed she had changed her underwear. And tried to hide that she’d done that. And so, as the known consequence, she was no longer allowed to go to the party.
I felt awful about it, because she’s still only four, and she loves parties and her friend was only having a couple of guests, so I knew this would make HER feel bad too, but I felt like if I didn’t follow through on this, I was only making things worse. And I’ve felt like shit about it all day. Sometimes being a mother sucks.